The Ties That Bind Us

There is a facebook quiz that is racing around the social networking site right now on the topic of where you were meant to live or where you should live. My friends have all caught onto this craze and are filling out the quiz faster than the rest of us can keep up. I've seen results including: Italy, Ireland, England, the country (generally) and, in one case, the United States.

This got me thinking today about Americans' views on mobility and independence. And more specifically on how those views would be received in Italy.

I spent my entire childhood in the same small town. My parents continue to reside in this tranquil east coast community. I have great memories of my childhood. Today, every trip home is a walk down memory lane, and between the visits to old neighbors, teachers and friends, the the one bar in the center of town that is guaranteed to include the spotting of "kids" you grew up with - you are guaranteed to have seen most of the town's residents by the time you leave. Our own children love venturing to Nana and Pop's for trips to the pond, events at the town library, walks uptown, and hot dogs and ice cream at the summer stand (to be enjoyed on a porch swing outside, of course).

Yet despite the fact that I love my parents and wish I could see them more, there has never been talk in our house of "moving back home." Like my aunts and uncles who live across seven states and Canada, and my siblings after me who themselves are scattered through Ohio, Massachusetts and Kentucky, after college I launched out in the city of my choice with my own career goals and aspirations. Like many of my classmates - and future spouse - my visions were not limited by my place of rearing. We pursued our careers, returned to school, and started families. Our closest companions became our local friends with whom we celebrated birthdays, holidays, and the birth of our children, and mourned hardships such as the loss of relatives and jobs.

While today's struggling economy may be drawing more young adults back to their hometown - and mom and dad's house - this idea of launching out on your own remains very American. As a nation, we aren't limited by state boundaries or region. Just as we celebrate our diversity, we also have embraced mobility to such an extent that many states struggle with how to deal with the "brain drain" of departing college-educated students.

My first two months in Italy has suggested that Italians have a vastly different approach to this issue of mobility and independence.

Business deals either occur or not based on personal and family connections. And if you don't know the party you are trying to deal with you better come with a third party introduction.

Local governments steadfastly work to protect their people and culture. Days before CJ took a school trip to Lucca, Italy, this week, a New York Times piece discussed the efforts the town leadership has gone to preserve their culture by banning the opening of any new ethnic (even Sicilian food is considered ethnic by their definition) - or fast-food - restaurants within its historic center. (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/13/world/europe/13lucca.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=lucca&st=cse)

While Rome has not been so closed, it is still very common to find restaurants and shops that are family owned and run. Scarpone's, which sits on the Janiculum hill is a restaurant we enjoyed at the suggestion of a college friend who had dined there on several occasions with his family. It has been family run since 1849. But it is not just the restaurants.

Talking with a few people here, I've come to learn that Italians live at home much farther into their twenties than Americans. And my own impression is that families also live much closer together and spend much more time together. As I understand it, in southern Italy it is not uncommon for even extended families to live under one roof. One example of this closeness, only within the last 10 years have a few shops started opening on Sundays. Prior to that time, the expectation had been that you didn't need to go to a store or restaurant because you were spending the day enjoying a meal with your family. And you do see families together.

At restaurants, yes. But also out doing daily activities. Grandparents (of both sexes) are often seen chasing their grandchildren around the playground or at least directing the parents on how it should be done.

Finally, unlike many other European countries, Italians also appear to be much less focused on becoming multi-lingual. While many Italians speak a regional dialect in addition to Italian, few Italians seem to know other EU languages (including English). Foreign languages television is rare, and while English and American music is common, Italian musics is still played with much frequency.

So while I'm not sure I'm yet ready to grow roots in my hometown, I do have a strong appreciation for the Italian family unit and the tight knit communities that populate this beautiful country. I know when we leave that I'm certainly going to try to take some lessons in this area from the locals and see how I can adopt foster some of the Italian way of life within my own family. And I guess, isn't that what we Americans do best? Borrow and adapt parts of other cultures to make them our own...